Bibi Jai's blog

Step Up...

Not the movie, just thinking about a conversation I had with a friend recently. We were discussing life in general, what we wanted and how we defined success. I remember that a point I made was, I'm not in it for power, I'm not in it to prove to other people how good I am, I am in it for money but only as a means to an end but mainly I'm in it so I can be happy in life. On the point of power, a lot of people like it, like what it can do for them, how it makes them feel. Me? I'm just way too lazy to want power. I don't crave leadership at all, I'd be fairly happy to follow someone as long as they knew what they were doing. Having said that, if there really was no better person suited for the job then I might step up and do what needs to be done. I can think of a few times in my life where I've stepped up and then I realised that I do it a lot more than I think I do. Would I be happier if I didn't need to step up? Most probably but this is what life threw at me so I guess I better suck it up and deal with it. Ah well....

Here's to the Year of the Tiger...

It's kinda funny but for me, the new year doesn't really start until the start of the Chinese New Year because in a way, I do believe that cycles change with the lunar calendar. So here I am up at midnight because I didn't get to take my afternoon nap until 9pm just then haha. But I'll be going back to bed fairly soon.

Looking back again, the past lunar calendar has been none too kind to me in many aspects but I survived it, a bit older, a bit tougher, a bit wiser and infinitely clearer on how important it is to be happy in life. If you know how to be content, you already have the key to happiness in your hands. Count and appreciate what you do have, not what you don't have. There will always be someone in a better situation than you but also remember that there are many many more people in much worse situations than you. Be happy : )

I've been told that people count the start of the lunar calendar not from today, which is the first day of the lunar calendar, but actually from the day they call the start of spring which was a few weeks ago. If that's the case, then the Year of the Tiger has already had a very good start for me. I got some good news which turned things around overnight for me and the rest of the year is looking very promising. It's gratifying to know that my hard work and effort has pulled through and been recognised, which I'm very happy about. While the climb will still be uphill, at least it won't be straight cliff face climb anymore haha. I think resilience would be the word I'm groping towards that has pulled me through everything.

So for the Year of the Tiger, I have a fairly good idea of what I'm going to do. I am going to be happy and healthy, simple as that hahaha : )

Wishing everybody a happy, healthy and prosperous Year of the Tiger!

And another year goes by...

It's been ages since I last wrote. I agree with people who say, even if you have something to write, you need to be in the mood to write it. Enough has happened this year, some good, some ok, some bad but in a way it's gone by so quickly, almost in a blur and I find myself at the end of another year. Sometimes I look back and ask myself what the heck I did this year.

So from the same time last year, I remember the main thing on my mind was my slipped disc. The first half of this year was really all about my back and it was definitely not one of the best times in my life. Summer time came and I was able to start swimming which really helped a lot and now, i'm almost back to normal. I can't wait to be able to play sports again, aiming to try in Feb/March 2010. I will be swimming more, running more and losing all the weight I've gained this year (and it's a lot) coz I haven't been able to exercise.

Work hasn't been too bad, I've had no major stuff ups (touch wood) and i've survived a year on the trading floor so I'm pretty happy about that. Performance review was also positive but can see that I still have a lot to do and prove this coming year which I'm kind of looking forward to but not looking forward to at the same time because....I'm lazy haha. The pressure is there to do well which is good in a way coz it forces me to keep up I guess. Still, wish I could trade in local Philippines market, market hours are from 9am to 12pm and they have soooo many public holidays haha. Compensation review coming up, really hope they can bring me back inline to where I should be and I can get a decent bonus coz god knows i need it. On a side note, I got my CFA charter and can offically be Calvin Lam, CFA now hehehe.

Family wise, their health is moderately okay but there's just been so much shit hitting the fan in past few  months.  Sometimes I don't understand why I've taken on the older brother role in terms of doing the right thing and being responsible for the family but it is the way it is. Not that I mind because family is very important to me and ultimately I want to see my parents happy and be able to chill. Just hope the rough patch is past and things will be smoother from here. I do get tired from all of it sometimes but there are some things you just don't give up on. I know I can do it.

Love life...hmm...guess pretty much still same issue as last post I wrote with a slight difference. In the past few months, I've really had time and reason to think about what I want and I'm pretty much sure about what I want. Unfortunately it's not the same as what my girlfriend wants and therein lies the problem. I realise that everything is really much just starting for me right now in many aspects of my life. I'll be 30 next year but I feel like I'm only living my 20's now. I don't feel the pressure to have to do certain things just because I'll be 30 next year. Rather I'm actually rather glad I have my freedom because there's just too many things I'd like to do before I settle down. Regrets are a part of life but I aim to minimize the number as much as possible. Now if only I weren't so soft-hearted...

Hoping to see more of my friends this year, I was recovering for most of the year and have only recently been out more. My new year's resolution is to to recover fully, play sports again and be fit again and also to lose weight because my gut is getting unsightly haha. Aside from these things, just hope 2010 is a better year for me and for all of you as well, cheers.

Happy New Year!! : ) 

And the holidays are over...

Going back to work after 2 weeks holiday sucks. Getting up this morning was a bitch haha. Ah well, can't complain too much as I have a job. Still, after sleeping in for 2 weeks, it reminded me of how much I love sleeping and left me wondering why the hell I'm doing this job haha. Hope I'm giving up my precious sleep time for something worthwhile, happy Monday people.

It's been a while...

It's me again. Wow, I knew that i hadn't blogged for a while now but I didn't realise just how long ago. But then again, nothing much has happened since I last blogged, I'm still recovering though I'm much better now, aiming to play sports again by year end or by early next year. Can't rush it, just wanna be fully ok before I play again and to that end, i've been swimming, dutifully enough I guess though I could do better. I get lazy sometimes. Other than that, really not much has happened except the past few months came and went just like that. We're moving into September and I'm asking myself where the hell the time went. Ah well, guess it's a mixture of both the work I'm doing and the stage we're in now.

Don't know if it's just a popular theme lately but it seems like there are a lot of movies lately about people getting stuck in their lives, doing what "they should be doing" and not doing what they want to be doing. It's kind of like when we were younger and had just started working. Many people started working because that's what they "should be doing" or it was what "everybody else was doing" without really giving much thought to what they want to be doing, responsibilities aside. At our age now though, I guess people are still going through the same issues but now it's not about career and more about settling down and getting married.

After watching a lot of movies (I have nothing better to do with an injured back...not that I mind watching movies anyway) and listening to friends talking about getting married and getting divorced, I guess I'm just not at that stage yet. I definitely believe in marriage myself, I think it's a beatiful thing and people should marry for the right reasons i.e. they love each other and they want to spend the rest of their life together. There's still so much for me to see and do and so much that I still need to achieve that it's just not something I'm looking into. I'll be stepping into 30's territory next year but it just doesn't seem a problem to me that I'm not ready to settle. I keep telling my female friends that are getting depressed about becoming 30 that 30's is the new 20's and it really is kinda true. Things just aren't going the same pace as the generation before us so we shouldn't feel like we "need to be somewhere" or "doing something" by a certain age.

I guess there's just a lot about life that I still want to enjoy before I settle down. Life is fragile. A friend passed away recently in a tragic accident and it's reminded me that you shouldn't take life for granted. You shouldn't take anything for granted because you just don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Appreciate what you have in life and enjoy life as much as you can. Everybody has regrets in their life. Just try not to think back 10 years from now and gnaw about what might have been when you can do something about it today.

Maybe it's coz I'm Chinese...

New year came and New year went and here we all are in 2009. Everybody's hoping that 2009 will be a better year, whether for our economy, global economy, our health, our family, our jobs, everything and I'm hoping that's true too. My lot hasn't changed that much since I last wrote on this blog in 2008 but I'm still recovering and it seems that I am a lot better, perhaps 50% or so? The funny thing is, even though it's 2009, I somehow don't feel it's really the new year yet and I'm still on the same stroke of luck (terrible luck that is) of 2008. Ok that was a bit unfair because 2008 hasn't been all that bad for me despite my back injury but I guess what I'm trying to say is that for me, the new year, and all that will hopefully come with it, won't come until Chinese New Year comes and we're officially in the Year of the Ox. Like I said, maybe it's coz I'm Chinese hehe and I work more by the Chinese calendar haha but bear in mind that I have no qualms celebrating each and every holiday in the western calendar, I'm adaptable hehehehe. Counting down to CNY people : )

 

P.S. One small note of interest is that the ox is actually a castrated male adult bull...so we're entering the Year of the Castrated Bull...that can't be good for fnancial markets right? A broker told me that by coincidence, or not, that all the previous years of recession have also been Year of the Ox...1997, 1985 etc...hoping it's coincidence.

Not the most merry xmas but could always be worse...

Christmas has come and gone now and with my back the way it is, I didn't really get to enjoy it all that much. I am recovering but ever so slowly but I should be grateful that I am at least recovering. On the good news front, I got promoted and given so many people got laid off, it's definitely encouraging and a sign of recognition. It also helps me to feel that I'm finally getting somewhere with my career. Who would've thought several years ago that this is where I'd end up being? I certainly didn't but here I am and happy with it. On the not so good news front is that with the economy the way it is, I didn't get the normal bump up of salary that normally comes with my promotion so looks like i'm going to be cashs strapped for another year. Still things could definitely be worse and I am grateful for what I have. All in all, things haven't been too bad. Counting down a few more days to the new year and I'll probably do a 2008 review then haha. Over and out...

Helpless...

I hate the feeling when there's a situation I can't do anything about. I've been working so hard and waking up at 6am everyday just so I can make things better only to find out that it's not going to make things better, at least not for another year. I'm so tired of hanging on and barely getting along and also makes me think why the hell am I doing this. I know it'll all work out in the long term but what do I do now? I know this is just me ranting to get it out of my system but I've been looking for this break for so long now and it still seems so far away even though I've moved so far already. Blame it on the current times they said...not a lot of consolation really. *Sigh* Still, I've still got a job, my family is around me, I have a roof over my head and warm meals every meal...things could be a lot worse I guess. My back isn't helping my thoughts nor is another matter that's been bugging me too. I don't mind hardship in life because they make people come out the other side all that much stronger and better...but seriously, they don't have to make it so hard ALL the time haha. *Deep breath* I know things will be okay in the end, I just have to get there. On a more positive note, it's an absolutely beautiful day outside today : )

Slipped disc...

My slipped disc is really getting to me. I can deal with the discomfort during the day but when it gets in the way of my sleeping, it's just intolerable. No matter what position I'm in, I just can't relieve the discomfort. Hope I get better soon, I've already missed out on a lot of birthdays and gatherings because I'm just not well enough to go sit or stand around. Work isn't helping as I'm sitting day in day out. It's just so annoying...

The day after yesterday...

See? I said I'd update this more regularly...but then i have nothing to report today except that my back is still injured and I heard that there may be more job cuts tomorrow...so do I go to work or not? Haha ah well, que sera sera....

On a side note, I'm seeing this acupuncture/tui na doctor tomorrow and I'm hoping it'll work quite well and I can get better sooner...or at least sleep properly at nights first. What was I saying before again? Oh yes, que sera sera....